The Joy of Sex

joyofsex1Well folks it’s time to get a little uncomfortable, though I would hope that as adults we can tackle the subject of sex education in a mature manner. There is a problem with the current way society thinks about sex and frankly you as parents must bear the blame. My own parents were just as bad and I don’t intend to take any prisoners when I say that the heterosexual community is responsible for all of the problems that it wishes to place at the feet of the LGBTQ community. But let’s start with the basics.

The sex act is a pretty basic one. Reduced to its basest level it is merely that of two organisms getting naked, moving about a bit while part a is inserted into part b (for a given value of part a and part b), with the resultant emission of genetic material. That wasn’t too hard was it? The basic urge for sex is one where the continuance of the species is the result, after all making sure our species continues is a good thing right? That should take about two seconds to explain to the little ones and once they have got over the “yucky” and “gross” expletives we can all move on. We make new humans to replace old humans and that is called sex. Simple processes which are precise, and very, very, very basic. The trouble is that we confuse “sex” as an act with “sex as a means of human bonding”, a means of pleasure, and a way of forming social groups. We confuse the act of “breeding” with the act of “loving”.

Anyone can breed. It’s not a difficult thing and actually I don’t even need to be there. Take a sample of my genetic material introduce it to an egg from a fertile woman and bingo suddenly I am now responsible for a new life. Its elementary stuff and as Cole Porter said “birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it.” I would also add that amoebas do it without a guidebook, but that’s my little joke. What I am saying is that there is no mystery there. It’s no mysterious gift from a deity, there is no divine intervention it’s just two cells in the right place at the right time. So cut the bullshit about it being special. If it was really that special the only children born would be those with a loving mummy and daddy who truly loved each other and only after a special cuddle where they both decided all they wanted was a little Jimmy or Jane. Sarcastic? Yes. But it’s the truth. The act of breeding is something a dung beetle can do without learning it at school or from their parents. And given the rate of unwanted pregnancy in the human race I would suggest everyone has got the hang of the practical exam quite nicely.

So that’s the act of breeding covered. Is everyone on the same page? Sperm, egg, meet in the middle. Bang along comes Jimmy or Jane after nine months of puking and ankle swelling. It’s not a special, sacred act so let’s move on. The second thing that Jimmy and Jane need to understand is what “sex” is when we talk about the act itself. Putting aside the impetus to breed there is a whole hot and sweaty fifteen seconds of fun that needs to be explained. Are we so puritanical that we can tell them that it can only be between a man and a woman of legal age with the woman underneath and the man on top? The reality is yes we can be and we are, but we are lying to them and to ourselves as well. If the missionary position is so perfect and so valid as a means of having sex where did the reverse cowgirl, the wheelbarrow, the doggy position, the blow job, and the hand job come from? I would suggest from that little piece of the conservative religious male mind that wants dominance over the female of the species. By pretending that it is the man who ultimately is the means of giving pleasure, who takes the woman as his right, hmmmmmmm see where I’m going fellas? It’s really just bullshit propagated by the church to control woman and since time began women have been finding things that are harder, less demanding, and frankly don’t leave their dirty underwear on the floor. They haven’t told you yet because someone needs to put the kitchen cabinets up and you have to be useful for something. So admit it the sex act is a crazy rush of sensation and pleasure that no one has the right to control, certainly not a man, and if a woman pretends that she is happy to lie back and think of the motherland, well sorry, personally I think she’s not letting herself go as she deserves. Sex as an act is supposed to be selfish. Not in getting everything out of it that YOU can, but rather being selfish and saying i want this time to give my partner the best time they can have. How much can I rock as a sexual being for the other person?

Sadly, however, most people are selfish in the sex act but it’s all about their pleasure not their partners. Again, I would say a lot of it comes from the male superiority complex, and this is a man saying it. Remember Lilith from the book of Genesis? Of course you don’t because she’s no longer in it. The first woman, the first partner of Adam wasn’t made from him. She was made of the same earth and at the same time. In short she was an equal. When she refused to become subservient things got a bit sticky. According to some translations it was the fact that she didn’t just want to lie back and think of Assyria she wanted to be on top in the bedroom. But all accounts say that in the end she left and never returned to Eden because she refused to be anything but equal. Then along comes Eve and bingo you have the perfect model, in a man’s mind of what woman should be. Subservient, non-threatening, obeying her man, and for centuries you’ve allowed your children to believe this crap. As for Lilith she was demonized, quite literally, being cast as demon who was sexually immoral, the mother of demons, oh and a child killer. Just because she actually knew her place and not the one that a man had ordered her to conform to. If women had followed the model of Lilith rather than Eve I wonder if we wouldn’t have seen the sciences blossom earlier and had a healthier regard for the female of the species.

So part of teaching Jane about sex is that EVERYTHING which happens to her body is her decision and not something that society can dictate. Her body is a temple that is beautiful and nobody has the right to own it. It doesn’t need a penis to fulfill it because in the end it is hers and she can decide whether she wants one anywhere near it. So go out into the world Jane and take it by the throat. If you decide to fall in love that’s fine, if you decide to have children and raise a family, good on you, but being female should never, ever define you. Only in this way can we move on from a society that will objectify Jane, will come out with bullshit about legitimate rape, will deny her the right to choose whether she uses contraception, and should the moment arise decide whether or not she wants to terminate her fetus. When we have a society that realizes it has no right to dictate or vilify a woman for the choices she makes on her body then we can move on from the myths that babies come only from loving married couples and that marriage is a heterosexual exclusive. Woman is not less than man she is equal. Don’t believe me? Why do we allow women to fight in wars then?

With young Jimmy the road is even more convoluted. We don’t teach him the responsibility of a relationship, the art of making love to a partner, what we teach is sexual bigotry. Here’s where the real shift in dynamic needs to happen. We can talk all we want about love and emotion, but when Jimmy’s tighty-whities begin to jiggle things tend to become a more animalistic than poetical. In schools across the globe a boy who is sexually dynamic is a player, a stud, the man. For Jane the names are very different. Should she decide to explore her sexuality she would be called a slut, a whore, and a whole host of other names. The tragedy is that it won’t just be the boys calling her it. We have conditioned girls to be pure and demure sexually, the boys we want to be players and studs. Perhaps this is why on most televisions a naked female is perfectly acceptable while to see a penis would have the sponsors foaming at the mouth. I’ve never understood the reasoning but then I guess I have never sought to objectify women.

But back to young Jimmy. We’re trying to teach him about the act of sex in its entire emotional, socially warped enormity. In general it’s pretty easy for him. Through the television we have taught him that women are objects, that they are there for his pleasure and personal fulfillment, we have in fact taught him that there is nothing morally wrong with experimenting before he finds the “one”. Society’s long taken the attitude that it’s good for a young man to go out and sow his wild oats. Usually the parents will add the rider that they don’t want him bringing home a harvest to them but in the end there is an acceptance that boys will be boys. How different to young Jane who’s treated as though there is nothing in her pants until Prince Charming rides in and breaks the spell. Jimmy is lucky unless he happens not to like Jane or any of her friends because he is a man and he is entitled. Back to Genesis I’m afraid and the long history of men denying women as equals, especially sexually, and subjugating them. He has wild oats to sow and as long as he remembers to wear a condom and use a woman he should be fine. It’s just a small part of who he is right? He’s more than just the act of fucking. He’s a man.

Two statements need to be made at this point. The first is for the gay guy it’s not as easy. He like Jane will be defined by the sexual act if he dares to experiment or seek to express his love. Perhaps it’s why we call the LGBTQ community homoSEXUAL, whereas the heterosexual community doesn’t bother to define itself on a day to day basis. “Don’t need to, we’re the norm” is perhaps the basis for this little piece of verbal stereotyping. The second thing that needs to be asked is why every woman in this world is not insisting that if a man wants to approach her sexually he has to wear a condom. No ifs no buts its rubber or your hand should be the cry. Two reasons. Firstly the Catholic Church would tell you it’s a sin to protect yourself. We all know men are sluts but sorry ladies if you really want one near you and your Catholic then you have to accept god wants you to risk infection from HIV, gonorrhea, herpes, syphilis, hepatitis et al. The incidence of female to female infection of any of these is minimal but as a good Catholic you must love your man slut and allow him to expose you to those risks. Oh, and if you get pregnant it’s your fault and you’ll have to become a single mother and enjoy the scorn of your congregation. Religion has no place in the bedroom and should admit it’s only interested in increasing the congregation and the money in its coffers. That and the fact it actively seeks to keep women in a submissive role. What it needs to do is get over itself and realize that should it peel back the bed sheets there are more unpleasant things than Jane and Jimmy enjoying themselves as nature intended going on, and start dealing with those issues.

So as it stands our lesson on the act of sex, the meeting of two people for more than just the production of a sprog, is completely flawed in its current state and needs to be revised. Society needs to teach both that yes it’s fun to be naked with another person but that both have equal rights and equal responsibilities. To first care for themselves and protect themselves from disease and unwanted pregnancy, to believe that both sexes have a right to say no but also say yes. Jonny needs to accept that he doesn’t have the right to coerce Jane into bed and that if she refuses she is not frigid or a candidate for force. If we teach them both that it is a natural act which gives pleasure but which needs to be respectful then a lot of our problems will disappear. In addition we also need to remind Jane that should Jimmy put on the pressure a swift kick to the bread basket will win her praise from society. How many Janes currently have babies because they thought it was the only way that Jimmy would love them? Mutual respect and an understanding of the very real consequences are all society should be teaching them, the rest should be left to them and not colored by society in any way. They can form their relationships and find out the true height and depth and breadth of love because they have been taught that it is all based on respect for the other person.

When we teach children like this it’s very easy for everyone to feel included and learn what a healthy sexual life is about. For the LGBTQ child they have a place within that framework. We have removed the understanding that love is the exclusive purview of the heterosexual and also taught them that both sexes are equal and can have equal expectation from a relationship. The gay student has a model where they can see themselves in healthy relationships where sex is a source of pleasure yet but to be treated respectfully. There are no outcasts, no pariahs; none are left feeling less because they want equality. And that goes for the girls as well.

In the end we show as a society that all are equal and have the right to express their love sexually in the way that they choose. Religion and society are forced to deal with their own issues and leave the young couple be it Jane and Jimmy, Jane and Miranda, or Jimmy and Monty alone to get on with expressing their love as equals and with respect for each other and from society. What a world it would be if not just the heterosexual men had a say in what was acceptable for society and we all just respected the privacy of the duvet.

As a postscript I would like to mention one other thing to the Jimmys of this world. The next time you say to a gay guy that he is a pervert remember this. That sex shop down the road is aimed at you. The act of love you claim is disgusting pales into insignificance when you consider the wealth of material available to you. Everything from bondage to midgets with a smattering of slaps and degradings along the way. While there may be a shelf offering guys giving other guys some fun the rest of the shop is all yours including the blow up sheep so please don’t tell me i’m the one that’s disgusting. Its just you being “the man” right? OK so how come you think those two women in your video getting off together need a man to finish them off at the end? Sorry guys that’s not lesbianism that’s just your sick mind saying I can get two women to copy what I condemn and make myself feel good by providing the cock at the end. A real lesbian would kick you out of the room and probably keep the thing you think they really need as a reminder why straight men can be so hilarious. Good on her say I!

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