Are you sitting comfortably? Then let’s go to bed.

One of the benefits of a dissolute youth surrounded by books is that sometimes the stories stick. Over the past few days there have been a number of men of God who have chosen to make derogatory statements concerning the value and habits of the LGBTQ community. Allegedly we are the crumbling cliff edge into beastiality, incest, buggering of corpses and general destruction of society in every form. To make it worse this fear mongering is taken to other countries and so the lies, like Chinese whispers, have been allowed to grow and twist until I seem to now be a cross between a Viking, a Visigoth, and the entire Mongol horde in the zealot mind. Not that I mind it’s just my battle axe is in the shop being sharpened and I don’t have a horse to ride into town on.

The sad fact is that these people tend to have something of an electric effect on the community at large though. I’m sure statements that we are necrophiles are only intended to goad us into anger so that they can say “see what we mean?” but the sad truth is that lies though they be they do hurt. Even pointing out the distinct inability of finding an attractive corpse here in Harlem seems to pass over the head of the bigot as he denigrates me. Of course these men of God will soon become corpses themselves. It seems to be a prerequisite for the post of degrader that they be one foot in the grave. But so convinced of their own righteousness are they that no matter how you engage them it seems impossible to change their mind. You can argue that they should forswear the shrimp cocktail they’re enjoying and should refuse to shave but they will always bring it back to you.

But back to my dissolute youth and the books. Among the many stories which I read were those of the Greeks. Yes those vile practitioners of my own vile practice and they told one which rather applies to these men of God and their double standards when it comes to the words they claim to protect.

So are you sitting comfortably? Oh good. Then I’ll begin….

There was once a blacksmith who was also a rogue, and his name was Procrustes. A bandit of the worst sort he lived within his stronghold on Mount Korydallos. This stronghold lay on the sacred way between Athens and Erineus, and Procrustes’ rather liked to waylay those who wandered past his door. His chosen method of ascertaining who could pass without hindrance was by tying them to an iron bed. The logic was that those who fitted the bed perfectly were allowed to pass unharmed, while those who were too short would be stretched until they fitted and those who were too tall would have bits cut off. So to the person being strapped to the bed there was always a hope that they might just be the perfect fit and so remain unharmed. Trouble was that no matter how tall or short they were there was no chance of them getting away unharmed. Procrustes actually had two beds and would select the one that would cause the most damage. Spot the similarities yet kiddies?

In the end, after many years, Procrustes fell foul of his own double standards when he picked the wrong person to ambush. A man called Theseus was walking along the sacred way. That’s right. The same guy who had killed the minotaur and it’s suggested was bisexual. Our hero Theseus strapped Procrustes to one of his iron beds and made him fit by lopping off his feet and head. Neat huh?

So when we hear that another member of the church is spouting how we are raiding tombs for carnal pleasure remember Theseus and Procrustes. Rather than attack them on their manipulation of religion it’s better to face them with their own truth. Society is changing fast and so are its attitudes towards us. These men may have a decade or two left in them but they will die and so will their vitriol. There will always be those who seek to degrade us with lies, it’s human nature., but the hate mongers will die out and are seeing their religious dogma rejected by more and more people.

Personally I feel compassion for these dinosaurs. It must hurt to watch everything you convinced yourself was true rejected, and to know you have to use more and more extreme methods to justify your belief. When you look at the arguments used, the claims of beastiality, of incest, and of course the necrophilia you have to laugh at these men. They have the money enough to send their thoughts into the world but increasingly the world is laughing at them not agreeing. The younger generations are seeing them for the ridiculous and bitter individuals that they are.

Of course we have to stand up to them but perhaps we can do it with a lighter heart. Like Procrustes they have been found not to fit society’s view anymore and though they are still thrashing about a bit, by laughing rather than being hurt we can cut off the head of the tyrant. They, in their dark and hateful hearts have made their bed, they are old, and now its time for us to remind them that they have to lie on it…… oh and I just got my axe back from the shop.
Theseus and Procrustes


One response to “Are you sitting comfortably? Then let’s go to bed.

  1. May pedestal predator reap as he has sown: May he lie naked on his own mattress made of all the rocks and sticks and stones has thrown, and let his covering be only the cold damp night air; and may he be haunted night and day hearing all the hurtful – hateful sermons he hurled into eternity.

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